Children’s early years are full of transitions and milestones, and toileting is one of them. What considerations can we take to support children through this crucial period in their lives?

It can be quite daunting to think about potty learning and to determine the best time to start. It’s therefore paramount that you first adopt a positive mindset and be conscious of the fact that there are no deadlines when it comes to mastering toileting – time is on your side and your child will set the pace that works for them with the right approach and support.

Let’s start by considering our response to a child’s bowel movement and rein in any instinctive reactions to the smell, colour, texture etc., as any negative response may bring on unnecessary anxiety for our toileter-in-learning. You want children to view toileting as a natural, accepted and encouraged bodily function, so you can try to use the opportunity to inject some humour and song during the proceedings, and always with empathy and sensitivity to each child’s personality and demeanour at the time. There are a wide range of books available to share with your child to discuss questions and explore answers or to share a moment of joy through the humour that some books bring about poo, such as 'The dinosaur that pooped a planet' and 'The mole who knew it was none of his business'.

Children’s behaviours and attitudes are shaped by the adults around them, and their self-belief is strengthened by giving them the positive encouragement they naturally seek and helping them navigate the trials and errors with compassion and realistic expectations. We want the experience, no matter how long it takes, to be as relaxed, free from external pressure and stress to nurture children’s wellbeing, confidence and self-awareness. Meaningful praise is also a key motivator for children and should not be provided only when they succeed in reaching the potty or toilet but for all the steps along their journey. This could include praising your child’s favourite toy during role play as they play out their understanding of their own toilet-learning journey. You want children to experience feelings of happiness and reward. Sticker charts, toys, sweets and money are just some examples of rewards we should discourage, as they can be considered on par with bribes.

Children should be able to communicate their need to urinate or pass a stool, depending on their learning and developmental needs. This communication may be verbal, through picture cards, non-verbal gestures, or their behaviours. Such behaviours may resemble a ‘wee dance,’ where children wiggle their bodies when they feel the internal sensation of needing to urinate.

When children are engaged in play, they may not notice the signs immediately. You need to adopt the role of a ‘wee detective’ to help them become aware of what their body is telling them. The best approach is to avoid disrupting children's routines and play by setting a timer to take them to the toilet every hour. Doing so may teach them to urinate on demand rather than tuning into their bodily signals, which could negatively impact their well-being, attitude to toilet learning, and sense of autonomy and self-awareness.

Ensuring your child stays hydrated is crucial, and you should never withhold drinks to reduce their fluid intake and output.

As a detective, you might also recognise patterns and habits, noticing that your child passes a stool at around the same time each day. While it might seem reasonable to allow children to play with toys while on the potty, this can distract them from their body's signals as they learn to understand them. Instead, use this opportunity to be present and supportive to foster autonomy and self-awareness.

Little accidents do happen, so it’s best to prepare for every eventuality by having on hand plenty of loose-fitting clothes to change your child into for their comfort, and a wet bag to store soiled and wet items until it’s convenient to wash them. It can be tempting to use pull-ups when out and about to minimise accidents or messes, but it is important to be consistent to avoid confusing children and hindering their mastery of toileting skills. A small investment into reusable wet bags and wipes will help save you money in the long term and cause less harm to the environment. Once children are nappy free, they will feel a greater sense of freedom as their mobility is improved without the weight and bulkiness of a nappy, and parents will also be free of the financial burden of disposable nappies, wet wipes and nappy sacks. They may free more space in their homes as they pack away nappy changing units and switch from using a big nappy bag to a lighter, more convenient one. Children might like to choose their own bag to store their clothes, particularly if they have chosen their favourite underwear, inspired by their interests or ones worn by their favourite monsters in Monsters love underpants book.

The earlier a child is out of nappies, the more positive impact there is on the natural environment. For example, there is less nappy, wet wipe and associated packaging waste that ends up in landfill (it is estimated that three billion nappies are thrown away every year in the UK alone and it takes 200-500 years for one single-use nappy to decompose!). Less nappy use also means less energy usage from the manufacturing and delivery processes. Altogether these benefits lead to reduced greenhouse gas emissions (which heat up our planet). You might think that your individual actions won’t make much of a difference, however on average one baby goes through 4,000-6,000 single-use nappies, and for every additional year a child remains in nappies, there are approximately 1,000 extra single-use nappies. Individually, there is a big difference we can make, and if we spread the word to other families, the positive impact grows.

Across the globe, cultural differences mean toilet learning can start anywhere from a few months to three years old. A few months might sound very young, but it’s possible to introduce the potty at each nappy change once babies have the core strength to sit unaided. This is to help the baby create an association that nappy change = potty, and by no means an expectation that they will use it for its intended purpose. There is however a medical benefit to toilet learning early – mastered before two years old, a child’s chances of developing urinary tract infections and constipation are significantly decreased (Borgström, 2021). If you find your child is having difficulty passing a stool, bubbles can be used to help children relax and as they blow the bubbles they can help the sphincters to open which will make toileting easier – in addition to being in the right sitting position. The best position for children is to be squatting with their upper body slightly leant forward, with their legs apart and knees positioned slightly above hips and feet firmly on the floor, which will help them to relax their body and muscles into a comfortable position.

As a parent of four, I can relate to the fact that all children, regardless of parenting styles and attitudes towards toilet learning, master toileting at their own pace. My eldest son was attending nursery full time when he showed signs of wanting to use the potty, which was influenced by observing other children. At 17 months of age, he was dry during the night and day. However, my youngest son was not fully dry through the day or night until he was around 4 years old and was under the care of the enuresis clinic due to a medical condition called nocturnal enuresis. Thankfully, there were many options available to help treat him and with patience and a positivity, he soon mastered the skill.

Ultimately, the journey to mastering toileting is unique for each child. Patience, consistency, and a positive approach will help create a supportive environment where children can thrive. Celebrate their progress, no matter how small, and be there to guide them through each step with love and understanding. Your role is crucial in helping them achieve this important milestone, and together, you will succeed.

For more information on supporting your child through their toilet learning journey, we have put together a ‘No More Nappies’ Guide to Toilet Learning.

Click here tO Read

For further guidance on when and how to start, support for children with special educational needs and disabilities, addressing challenges and solutions, and tips for parents, visit this helpful resource:

https://help-for-early-years-providers.education.gov.uk/health-and-wellbeing/toilet-training